Man About Town: 'You are not bad at dating, son. You are bad at listening.'

• Our resident authority on being a man answers the letters other columns are too polite to print
• This week: the text that never gets answered, the restaurant that says too much about you, and what to do with your hands
• "Confidence is not volume. I have met loud cowards. I have been one."
• Strictly one man's opinion, and he would like that noted before his wife reads it

Gentlemen. Sit down. Put the phone face down on the table.

I have read your letters and I have a general observation before we start: almost none of you have a dating problem. You have an attention problem that shows up on dates.

"I send great texts and get nothing back." — Tyler, 26

You are not sending great texts, Tyler. You are sending performances.

Nobody has ever fallen for a paragraph. Ask a question about a thing she actually said. Wait. Answer the thing she says back. That is not a technique, that is a conversation, and the reason it feels like a technique to you is that you have not had one in a while.

And if she does not reply: that is an answer. Take the answer like a man and go for a walk.

"Where should I take her?" — Dev, 31

Somewhere you have been before.

Not the expensive place. The place where they know you, where you know what is good, where you are not reading the menu like it is a legal document. A man who is comfortable makes other people comfortable. That is the entire trick and it costs eleven dollars.

"What do I do with my hands?" — Anonymous

Put one on the table. Leave the other alone. You are overthinking a hand.

"My mate says I should be less available." — Robbie, 24

Your mate is an idiot and I would like to meet him so I can tell him personally.

Games are what you play when you have nothing else to offer. If you have to pretend to be busy to hold somebody's interest, you have already told yourself what you think of your chances. Be available. Be punctual. Be someone whose word is worth something. That is rarer than you think and it is the whole ball game.

"How do I know if she is interested?" — Marc, 38

She tells you. In words. If you are having to decode signals, you are not on a date, you are doing archaeology.

And here is the part the other columns leave out: if you are not sure whether she wants you there, ask. Out loud. The number of men who will run a six-month campaign of guessing rather than ask one plain question is a national embarrassment.

THE STANDING RULE

No means no. "Maybe" means no. Silence means no. A woman who has had four drinks and cannot find her coat means you put her in a taxi, you pay the driver, and you go home alone and you feel good about it in the morning.

Any man who needs that explained is not a man about town. He is a problem, and I am not writing for him.

Next week: suits that fit, and why your father was right about shoes.